Indobokepz - Indonesian Movie and Picture Community
Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: English Joke

  1. #1
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default English Joke

    A man is almost about to die

    As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth.
    I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them.

    "His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

  2. #2
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.

    When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

    "What? You're crazy!"

    "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

    "No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor..."

    "At this time of the night? No one will show up..."
    "I've already said No, and NO!"

    "Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."

    "No! I've said NO!"

    "My love... Don't be like that..."

    At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

  3. #3
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Whore's Grandma

    A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

    Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

    "Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"

    Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

  4. #4
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    New firefighting system

    A firefighter came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

    "From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night." The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

    When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love. After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!" "What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?

    "ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."

  5. #5
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Big deal

    A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed.

    If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks.

    Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

  6. #6
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    How To Shower Like A Woman
    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

    Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

    Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
    How To Shower Like a Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

    Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

    Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

    Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

    Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower.

    Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

    Throw wet towel on bed.

    If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

  7. #7
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    An old man turned 105 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview, the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together.

    A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.

    "Are these your grand kids?" the reporter asked.

    "Naw, sir, they all be my youngens," the old man replied with a sly grin.

    "Your kids?" asked the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?"

    "Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."

    "Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old."

    "Thass right," said the old man with pride.

    "Well surely you can't have a sex life with you being 105 and she is only 19," the reporter remarked.

    "Naw, sir," said the old man. "We have sex every night. Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning six of my boys helps me off."

    "Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?"

    "Cause," the spry old man said with a balled fist, "I fights 'em."

  8. #8
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

    “But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.

    He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write “spaghetti” on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

    Six months went by, and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and said, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.”

    The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”

    Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

    So the wife picked up the card and read: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs; two without.”

  9. #9
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
    Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
    Mr. Bean: 9
    Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
    Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

    WHILE IN A DRUG STORE
    Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
    Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
    Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!


    Mr. Bean: 16
    Friend: Why?
    Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.


    CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND
    Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, Ok?
    Mr. Bean: What do you mean Ok? I thought it was a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
    Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
    Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.


    Spelling lesson
    Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
    Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

  10. #10
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    The Internet is like a penis

    It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.

    In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

    It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.

    It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.

    If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.

    It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

    We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

    If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.

    It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"

    Some folks have it, some don't.

    Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.

    Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.

    Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

  11. #11
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Japanese Hotel

    A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan.
    Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

    'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'

    Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl.

    Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

    Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read,'Manicures, $20.00'. 'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl.

    Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

    The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'

    The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine,unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.

    With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit......which now had a button sewn neatly on the end..

  12. #12
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    The counter man in the Ice Cream shop saw a customer leaving the drug store across the way, heading for his shop.

    The customer entered, set a small Thermos container on the counter and unwrapped a condom. "Here, take this condom. Drop a scoop of ice cream in it."

    The counter man did so, and handed the condom, with its ice cream content, to the customer.

    The customer placed the arrangement in the Thermos jug, and capped the jug.

    "What," asked the ice cream purveyor, "is the reason for that?"

    "For three months, my wife has been bugging me for a deep freeze. Tonight, I'm going to give it to her."

  13. #13
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

    Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

    About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

    The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week."

  14. #14
    Tukang Ngintip nus's Avatar

    Join Date: Dec 2013

    Posts: 50

    Thanks: 43

    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default

    Little Johnny is back...

    It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.

    All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

    Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

    Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

    Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

    Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

    Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

    Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

    Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

    Johnny is even madder than before.

    Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

    Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

    Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

    Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

    When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

    The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

    Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •